Letters to My Daughters-1

September  2010

Dear Alex,
 Today is an important day for you. You are on your way to college. Me, you, your sister and grandma had a hell of a night. We missed our flight because of a court date. Sleeping in the airport floor from 6:30pm last evening until 11am this morning was not fun but it was a journey. A type of crisis that I have always been used to confronting but never in a million years did I think I was going to do this alone with you. Nor did I ever imagine the reason on why you would leave so far away to go to school. This  is suppose to be a fun glorious moment but instead it became an all around sad moment in which I take partial blame. Although my heart is breaking because you are leaving, I want you to know that I support your decision you are making in your life. You  are only 17 years old, in my biased opinion too young to launch from home, but the guilt in me and the difficulty in letting you go has now become part of me.

As I am looking at you sleeping in the plane, on our way to your destination, I can not help but to think of the day God first brought you into our lives.  You were placed directly on my chest coming straight out of my womb. You were so perfect! Sucking your fingers and staring right at me with your big brown eyes, I knew I would always remember that moment. I remember taking a deep breathe while closing my eyes to only open them and realize that you were for real. God sent us a true angel. Your dad was so nervous, we both cried because we could not believe that you were part of the both of us and we could not imagine anything more beautiful in our lives.  It was that day that I made a silent promise to you, that I will always be there to protect you, love you, guide you and support you. I know that it is during this time that I may have temporarily broken one of my promises. A moment I can never take back but I will be forever in the mercy of my God. Although it is difficult for me to see and feel that God has already forgiven me but for now it is unfortunate that my faith has been swallowed by seeing you and your sister hurt and for the first time I feel defeated.  I can promise you, that this feeling won't last long as I remember the words of a man that once upon a time loved us all dearly at the same time. He said "You are a strong woman, and you will get back on your feet." I hope he's right because if that is so, then you my darling daughter come from a line of strong Puerto Rican women and I know that you will be successful in anything you do in your life.

For now, good-by my dear beautiful snufalufikas, your nickname from me. I hope that your experiences in college will bring you peace and help you repair the hole you have in your heart. have fun, be safe and learn a lot.

I Love You Elephant much,


Your momma!
Besos y Abrasos