I Love You Elephant Much- A Journey to forgiveness 1

A Journey to forgiveness-1

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult skills to have. It should become natural to us but we have been raised in a society of greed, hate, loss, betrayal and hurt. It is so much easier to live with the anger, blame others, hurt others, and gossip about  others. We sometimes feel we have no control or power within ourselves to do the right thing because when we do something good sometimes the gratification doesn't come quick enough. Anger, is a committed, loyal feeling that when we engage in the negativity we get an almost immediate satisfaction and temporary happy feeling inside of us. Some people actually feed from each other and turn negativity into drama, to chaos and a whole freaking party is formed celebrating that they got the best of people. Not caring who they hurt in the long run and not realizing who is being affected by it. The reality is that depending on the people they hurt, they also hurt themselves in the long run. Forgiveness is bigger than any of us. That is why we have to have the tools to start working on forgiveness. Building bridges to connect oneself to freedom and to the truth. The truth I speak of is faith. forgiveness  is a small word but has a fortuitous effect on us all. Being forgiven or forgiving others can range from immediate gratification, such as releasing one self from a burden that one has carried, to having an even bigger effect for the bigger picture of one's life.

To be honest, the bigger picture is the one that's happening to me. It has taken me a long time for me to forgive. First of all, I come from a catholic background. One would think that after many years of reading the bible, I would get the biggest forgiveness of all. In my religious teachings, God sacrificed his son so he can forgive our sins yet we live in a sinful world. I'm not here to preach about religion but I am hear in search of how to forgive. I have always been  a strong woman, living for my family, my extended family, always helping others and utilizing music as my own outlet. Until as I was deceived and my children loss their father, not thru death but thru a revalation of change while forgetting his own. Whether he feels his changes are good for him, his changes affected our daughters. Our daughters then became my daughters, two little girls that were targeted by emotional neglect and invisible for a long while. My daughters were broken and the change of his new life events almost destroyed our daughter's lives, affecting me. It was almost like being in a twighlight zone episode.

I have had various conversations with individuals that are elder and I heard stories. Stories about guilt, sadness, loneliness, and wishing they could go back in time to right the wrongs they made when they were younger. These individuals shared with me that they lost the love of their lives, the respect of there children and the wonderful caring family and friends they once shared their lives with. now they feel they had no appreciation for what they had and so they lost their place in that community of love. At their age 50's to 90 years old, they wanted to turn the time. these elders had tears in their eyes, regret and loss because of there own selfishness has come to their final destination of loneliness and brokenness. they were afraid if they asked for forgiveness, if they tried to turn back,  they would get rejection from the broken trust they left behind.  They say that folks that live in anger, live in "stuckness." when one is young like, 20's, 30's and even 40 year olds have no sense of commitment and loyalty. It's about living in a fantasy world, living life as if they were invisible, living as if they have no one else to care for but themselves. Consequences? There is no such thing when one is young. Living a life to just be vindictive to another is easy to fall into. Sometimes we become territorial of others' lives to the point where we are no longer living our own life but live to ensure another person suffers. Sometimes we can be too far gone in our feelings that the love we had for life, for our families, our friends, ourselves and even the one we loved for so long had have all disappeared. The sad thing is, sometimes that's ok for them. Taking no responsibility and making themselves  believe that there is no going back. Why is that? Why cant folks make amend with the people they hurt, then if things change move on with your life knowing you truly tried, leaving the past with respecting them, with dignity and with the truth. Why harp on making intentional moves to ensure that the person you hurt continues to suffer. And Feel there is no way out in their current life. Why would one want to do that? My feeling is because folks who did the hurting get comfortable in their new lives, the seek for what they once had and attempt to make amends with a life they have now pretending nothing ever happened in their past. Disguising themselves of being someone they have not earned to become. I truly believe with the law of the universe, the law of my higher power and the law of forgiveness that if the one who has done the hurting can find comfort in crippling those they once loved or hurt others in any way, shape or form and for whatever reason does not make full amends with themselves, with the ones that have been hurt then their lives will never feel complete. The damage that is caused in one's heart and soul is long term. The one who did the hurting and the hurtee must find forgiveness to be set free from the burdens of their past life. the question is, who is willing to do the work? I can imagine those that have more of a stubborn soul would feel if they were to return and apologize to those they hurt, gonna they would be admitting that they did wrong and all the tales and lies would have to be answered for. and so it is easier for them to pretend in living a happy life because they lack courage and will and do not want to potray weakness and rather live with the "daunting" feeling of guilt and shame then the "TRUTH."

to be continued-2