I Love You Elephant Much- A Storm I Call Mayhem 5



I am going to call my son to take me to my daughter, Maria's, house." I was struck on how she was first this confident woman telling me that her son needed something different to then all of a sudden making me feel like shit! She was the queen manipulator. She has a heart condition and deppression and I snapped at her. did I go too far or was it the many years of this woman always comparing me with other women. Hell No! It was time for her to stop her shit! Hey, my achievements were difficult to reach and I never was the type to show off.  I am not the type of person to judge what someone has accomplished in their lives. Mayhem wanted me to work hard and make more money and give him my pay to put in the bank under his name. Uhmmmmm.....no! I paid half of everything and gave him half of what was needed for our family but that half did not include family trips, in which I paid for, seasonal clothing, in which I paid for, holiday presents, birthday presents, parties that I did for the girls, clothes I purchased for him. I received no gratitude, not even a smile nor a thank you. If I thought for a moment that our money together was going to benefit the family, then of course but he neglected me, he neglected his life for years and I couldn't trust that. Don't get me wrong, he has done a lot of good in our lives but not during this time.  After my divorce, I was told that my ex husband told others that if he could do it again that he will never marry an independent woman. He rather marry someone who was not educated, someone he can manipulate and control so he had all the say. He said "She will never know the difference!"  When I heard this,I guess his mother was right. I thought of the many times I left this man and tried to leave him and he would find someway to get me back to him. This was not the act of a man who wanted someone different than me. So I didn't believe her, but she was right all along. Mayhem never experienced a single life he had one girlfriend then me. He was a trusting soul but was sneaky at the same time. He thought I was stupid. He didn't know about the street life but he was hungry for it. I could tell by the way he looked at women that resemble strippers by the way they wore their clothing, or women that were street like, hibara (hick) style, cursing up a storm, and although he said different, that was what he wanted and I was blinded by trusting him. As for his mom she got her wish but you know what they say....Be careful for what you wish for.

The year I graduated, he presented me with the divorce papers. I knew then that it wasn't about me going back to school but it was that I was able to continue living my life while he was stuck in video game land. I accomplished so much in the last few years and he was in the same place. His feelings towards me were boiling inside him. Nor me or our daughters could get him out of his addiction. I take that back, it was my ability to be successful, my accomplishments that led him to leave us. I worked two jobs, went to school full-time, had a 16 hour internship, attended my daughters school functions, I even came out on Telemundo singing back-up (chorista) with two of my Salsa idols, "La India" and "Ray De La Paz." oh I almost forgot. As a graduation gift to myself, I purchased a black with biege leather interior convertible car. I purchased it for us, so we can celebrate and for him and I to go on couple trips but he was sooooo pissed! "Where did you get the credit? Where did you get the money? I'm not driving this piece of shit, you take responsibility not me, don't expect me to help you!" This was a stupid decision!" It didn't matter what I did nor did it matter that this car was not going to affect our budget. He was simply angered that while I was able to continue doing what I needed to do for us as a family, he was stuck. As much as I tried to make him proud of me, it pissed him off more. I didn't see it then. My only hope was when he left us I would realize the mistakes he's made but after time, it was just unrealistic thinking. After he left us, he was desperately trying to find reasons on why he left. He would call me out of the blue to ask if I knew a therapist because he couldn't sleep, he would visit the girls and come dressed to impress and asked me if he looked good, then when he come, he would ask if he could use the bathroom to take a peak of what I was doing. These days were difficult for me because if I couldn't help him while we were married then, how could I have helped him while we were divorced.  He needed to figure himself out and figure out on what he wanted. Until he one day texted me a picture of a guy sitting on the bed with his boxers. I didn't know who that was, thinking it was one of his cousins, he kepted texting me that I knew who it was, but I didn't. Until finally, he convinced himself with a little support from family members, mostly his and his friends that I cheated on him. Good gawd! I knew that a new drama like adventure was about to happen.